Ep #38: How to Stop Doubting Your Coaching Skills

Hey coach, do you end your coaching sessions feeling that maybe you could have done better? Maybe asked better questions or paid more attention to where your intuition is wanting to lead you. Trust me, I get you. I've been coaching for over 23 years, but when I was a newer coach, after every session, my self-doubt, self-criticism, and perfectionism would definitely kick in. I hated the feeling of doubting my skill as a coach, so I did something about it. 

I'm Kendall. Tune in to today's episode where I'm going to share with you exactly how I rapidly overcame self-doubt and self-criticism about my coaching. Plus, I have four of the most common situations that you might find yourself in that can trigger self-doubt in your skill as a coach.  I'm giving you key self-coaching questions you can answer to free yourself of all of that so that you can show up powerfully as a coach and get your clients results that you can feel proud of. It's all here for you in this episode of The Money Coach School Podcast. Let's dive in. 

Welcome to The Money Coach School Podcast. To really excel at coaching women, you have to be skilled, confident, and even fearless at money coaching. If you're passionate about women holding genuine money power and love supporting women entrepreneurs, then this is the show for you. Now, here's your host, money feminist Kendall SummerHawk.

Hey, coach. Today's episode addresses a common problem I see all of the time in the coaching space, which is holding back in your coaching for fear of something. That fear could be fear of being too bold or too strong or feeling intimidated, or you're not sure what coaching is even supposed to sound like. I understand feeling that way because when I first started coaching over two decades ago, I felt the same way.

So here's a little bit of the backstory. In the early days of my coaching business working with women entrepreneurs, I used to end each coaching session feeling like I could have done better. Maybe I talked too much. Maybe I was too pushy. Was I too direct? Maybe I was holding back.  I really did not like the way that that felt. It's like all of my self-doubt and self-criticism and perfectionism, it was running wild after every coaching session that I delivered. 

I think that one of the aspects about myself that I most appreciate is my ability to self-reflect and to realize wait a minute, just because this is something I am experiencing, that does not mean I have to keep experiencing it.

So instead of continuing to feel that way after every coaching session, I realized two critical mindsets that turned out to be life changing. So mindset number one is if I was holding back in my coaching, then I was holding my clients back. Mindset number two, if I was holding my clients back, then I was holding myself back from making money, signing on high ticket clients, and really exponentially growing my business. What I saw was this connection that if you're not feeling amazing as a coach then you're not going to feel empowered to charge premium fees and deliver premium level coaching. It just doesn't work like that.

I know that you're like me, you're what I call a fire starter. You want to create life changing transformation through coaching. It's why you're here. It's what I love about you because let's face it, we love coaching.

So what I did is I changed that experience for myself. I changed how I treated myself after each coaching session. I addressed the fears that I had had about my coaching. That was really the seed, the beginning to the courageous coaching method that I ended up creating.

What I discovered is that to be courageous in your coaching, it means you have to get over your fears. You have to get over yourself, and you have to be bold in your questioning of your clients. You have to be willing to say what needs to be said and not hide it. You have to be willing to go below the surface and not just stick with surface level, what I call baby coaching. You have to be willing to trust your intuition and you must be willing to step into your courageous, brave self.

Now this is the secret to the style of coaching that I teach and certify women in. It's why the women that I certify to coach can approach their coaching confidently, make money and stand in the power of owning their worth. Because when you're willing to go there with clients and speak your truth, your coaching is going to land effectively and it's going to land powerfully. You're going to attract amazing clients who end up getting incredible result.

But it's not at all about being aggressive or argumentative or hyper masculine. It's actually highly feminine and very, very soulful. I see this as another misconception in the coaching space. Just because you may identify as a soulful coach, which I understand because I am too, it does not mean you have to hold back from standing in your power and coaching your clients to step into theirs.

So let me take you through what I did to stop all of that self-doubt that I had been experiencing about my abilities as a coach. Let me take you through what the difference was that that made for me. Then I want to give you my favorite self-coaching questions to support you in breaking free of self-limiting ideas about your skill as a coach.

So first what I did to stop all of that self-doubt that I had been experiencing was I listed all my fears about my coach. I just wrote them all out in a column on a piece of paper. Then I used the powerful self-coaching questions to get over myself, to stop making it all about me, and to really stop allowing my ego to keep me playing small. Now I'm going to give you examples of those self-coaching questions in just a moment.

What I did as part of this self-healing process was I decided that no matter what, I would show up fully standing in my power as a coach. I would say what needs to be said, which means when my intuition was nudging me to go in a certain direction with a client, I did not ignore that. I went in that direction.

Or when I heard something in what my client was saying that could potentially be an emotionally charged area for them, I did not shy away from it. We went there. Or if I heard a client being really hard on themselves in some way or placing limitations on themselves in some way, I did not ignore that.

What I quickly got really skilled at doing, actually really, really skilled at doing, was reflecting for a client what I was hearing and really speaking to their deepest truth under the surface rather than keeping the coaching just on a surface level.

So what I also decided was that I was no longer willing to give up my power to a client, in other words not to be intimidated, and I was not going to give up my power to fear.

Now the results that happened, and that happened very, very quickly, were I saw a complete change in my client's results, and more importantly, I saw a change in my confidence and ability as a coach. For example, results like I ended coaching sessions never doubting my coaching. I felt energized, excited, and happy.

I started to make it rain results for my clients, which meant they took action faster, they took bolder action, they had more confidence in themselves and in their decisions, and they experienced consistent results, and they felt differently about themselves. Their self-concept was shifted, and it did not matter if I knew about their industry or not. I knew how to coach them to create results.

The third thing that happened is I really started trusting and leaning on my intuition. The fourth thing that happened is I confidently raised my fees again and again and again. To hire me privately when I take on private clients, which isn't very often these days because I focus on certification and running my group programs, but to hire me privately is a very, very high five-figure-a-year investment, and I sold dozens and dozens of clients at that price point because I'm so confident in my skills as a coach.

Number five, what happened for me is I began making significant income as a coach for women entrepreneurs, specifically a business coach. When I look back, I can see that deciding to be courageous in my coaching, that was really the seed that led me to creating nearly $30 million in coaching income. 

So, as promised, let me give you examples of the transformational self-coaching questions that I asked myself that you can use too to stop holding back. So, for example, are you afraid of hurting someone's feelings? Like, are you trying to self-protect them? You don't want them to feel badly in some way? Anything like that. So, if that's you, the self-coaching question that I have for you is this. If hurting their feelings was not possible, what would you say or question a client about?

Another situation, are you hesitant to really challenge a client? If so, the self-coaching question I have for you is this. What if challenging your client is exactly what they need to hear? Oh, my gosh, I am such a believer in that. Really, when you think about it, that's the power of coaching. It's why clients come to us is they do want to be challenged, whether they overtly admit that or not, they may or may not. But that's really what they want because they want to step into their highest potential. They know that they're not going to do that on their own. They need you to challenge them to do that.

A different situation, do you feel intimidated by a client? I get that. I've coached women who are making a lot more money than me or were more famous. I mean, I've made a lot of money, and I'm very well known in the coaching space. But I'm talking about like really famous or really like lots of money or maybe have been in business longer than me, whatever it is. It's easy to feel intimidated by a client. But I don't want that to happen for you.

So if that does happen for you, the self-coaching question that I have is this. What can you see for her that she can't see for herself? What can you see for her that she can't see for herself? I guarantee you as a coach, no matter who you're coaching, there's something you can see for them that they just can't see for themselves. Again, that's the beauty of being a coach. 

I want you to be honest on this last example. Are you worried in some way that a client may not like you? This is about people pleasing. It's about seeking approval. You want to feel validated by your client or approved of by your client in some way. So the self-coaching question I have for you, if that's your situation, is this, and you've got to be honest about that, by the way. Nobody wants to admit to saying oh, yeah, I really want my clients to approve of me. But I want you to be honest that inside of yourself is that actually what's going on for you.

All right, so back to the self-coaching question. It is what if worrying about being liked was no longer important to you? That's the space that I stepped into. I decided I don't really care if I'm liked by my client. It turns out my clients absolutely love me and adore me. That's wonderful. But I stopped worrying if they were liking me. I stopped seeking their approval.

Being courageous in your coaching is like the most confidence building thing you can ever do for yourself. It's badass. There's a badass part of you that's in there. You just need to access her and let her speak her truth because that's how you don't hold your client back, and it's how you don't hold yourself back. It's how you keep expanding and fulfilling your highest potential as a coach, and especially as a coach for women entrepreneurs, which is, of course, what I'm all about and want to train you to be as well.

So the courageous coaching method is something that I teach inside of our Money Breakthrough Business Coach certified coach training. It's why our coaches get incredible phenomenal results for their clients from day one that they start coaching women entrepreneurs.

What I want to leave you with here is that when you show up fully for your clients, you bring the best of you to your coaching sessions. When you don't hold back in your coaching, you don't hold your clients back. When you don't hold your clients back, you free yourself to make money, to sign on fabulous high ticket clients, and to exponentially grow your business. The other point I want to bring to you here today is that being powerful in your coaching will look and sound very different for you, for other listeners, than for me.

But one thing it never is, is being aggressive, argumentative, or hyper masculine. I don't call that coaching. I see that with some coaches out in the coaching space, some very well-known coaches, and I think it's just bullying under the guise of coaching. It's not coaching. It's being a bully. That's not what I'm talking about.

Truly powerful coaching brings insight to a client. Truly powerful coaching opens a new perspective for a client, and it taps into the heart, the soul, the deeper meaning for a client of what they want to achieve and accomplish. 

So I have two resources for you to help further your skill as a coach. One is my free guide. It's called 31 Coaching Questions That Work With Every Client. This guide, we came out with it just a few months ago. We have had thousands of people download it. It's been incredibly popular. So I will put a link for it in the show notes. This is not your typical random list of coaching questions. I think you know me and know that the content I share with you is of a much higher caliber than that.

So what I did in this free download is I outlined for you four distinct styles of coaching questions and why each works exceptionally well to create all that transformation that you desire for your clients. I included over 31 coaching questions so you can see each of the four distinct styles of coaching in action. All right. So definitely put a link for that in the show notes. Definitely download that and get your hands on that.

The other resource I have for you is certification. Now, this is for you if you want to make money coaching women entrepreneurs. This is our Money Breakthrough Business Coach certification. It is the only certified coach training that fully trains and certifies you to become a soul driven business coach for women entrepreneurs so that you are quickly gaining that coaching edge of creating cash freedom, time freedom, and making a difference.

This is our 15th year of running certification. I am so proud of that. I probably should plan some big whoopty-doo celebration around this because I think that's quite an achievement. 15 years of certifying women to be business coaches. So I'll link to that in the show notes as well. All right. Thank you for listening. Definitely drop me an email.

I'm actually planning a question and answer episode coming up here in a few more episodes. So I would love to have your questions emailed into me. You can email podcast@kendallsummerhawk.com. Ask any question that you want about money, about coaching skills, about pricing. Another topic I love because guess what? It is also about money. So I'm definitely here for you and send your questions. I'm going to start gathering those now for that upcoming Q&A episode. All right, my beautiful soul. I will see you here next week for our next episode together. 

Thank you so much for tuning into this week's episode of The Money Coach School Podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, make sure you follow so you never miss an episode. Also, I would so love and appreciate if you would leave a 5-star review. Your review supports women just like you in discovering all of the juicy tips and insights I’m sharing here on how to coach women on money.

And if you want to learn how to excel at coaching women on money, definitely go to KendallSummerHawk.com and check out the wealth of money coach trainings that we have for you. Thanks so much for being part of this money coaching movement and for tuning into the show every week.