Ep #58: Releasing Coaching Program PTSD

Hey coach, have you ever experienced coaching program PTSD? You know that feeling you get when you've invested in a coaching program, and it did not pan out the way you expected it to. It's definitely a thing inside the coaching space, but you absolutely cannot let it slow you down or let it cause you to lose faith in yourself in pursuing your dream of becoming successful as a coach. 

Hi, I'm Kendall. Tune in to today's episode because there's just too much incredible opportunity for you to thrive and prosper as a coach to let something like coaching program PTSD slow you down. So join me because I'm going to share in-depth how to release those feelings and get back on track with your journey of learning and thriving in your coaching business. Plus, I get a little personal about a coaching program PTSD experience I recently had because, hey, I'm not perfect either. It's all here for you in this episode of The Money Coach School Podcast. Let's dive in. 

Welcome to The Money Coach School Podcast. To really excel at coaching women, you have to be skilled, confident, and even fearless at money coaching. If you're passionate about women holding genuine money power and love supporting women entrepreneurs, then this is the show for you. Now, here's your host, money feminist Kendall SummerHawk.

Hello, beautiful coach. So today we're talking about a controversial issue inside the coaching space. It's controversial because it's real. It happens all too frequently and yet no one in a leadership position is talking about it. Well, that changes today because I've been in the coaching industry for over 23 years. So I've seen a thing or two more than just a few times.

I love coaching. I love the coaching industry. I love the opportunities that coaching as a career and business choice give women to have a voice, to have influence and impact, and to make phenomenal money. So I'm willing to speak up about an aspect of the coaching industry that isn't quite as shiny, that isn't in integrity with the values that we coaches hold dear. Values like integrity, honesty, value, and respect.

So what we're going to talk about today is coaching PTSD, or more specifically, how to release those feelings you may be carrying with you as an outcome of having invested in a coaching program, or two, or three, that didn't work out the way you expected.

I'm aware that some of my listeners may not like some of what I have to say here today. This is one of those episodes where I may lose some listeners. Of course, I hope that doesn't happen. But if it does, so be it. I would rather be honest than sugarcoat. Honesty and integrity are my core values in life and in business. So that's what you're getting here, as always. All right, let's dig in.

Coaching program PTSD happens when you purchase a course or a program and either it didn't seem to deliver what was promised, or you think it didn't work for you, or you just didn't like it, or you changed your mind, which happens. 

Now, this is fresh on my mind because right now, in real time, as I'm recording this, and if you're hearing it in real time, we are enrolling into my legacy certification training, the Money Breakthrough Business Coach Certified Coach Training. So we're hearing from some of you who really, really want to come into certification training with me, but there is a bit of a but standing in the way.

That bit of a but, sounds funny to say but it's true, sounds something like this. “Well, I really want to come into certification. I've heard amazing things about how you deliver on your promise. Your students clearly love the training and the certification training experience, but I'm not sure because I've already invested before, and it didn't work out.”

Now, here's what's really fascinating to me. We know because we talk to everybody who comes into certification. So we know that over 90% of the women coming into certification with us have invested in other types of programs before. Some have been in other certifications and many have been in the “let's help you grow your coaching business” types of courses or groups. 

What I've witnessed is a clear distinction between the women who have a past program experience that had not worked out and who still chose to come into certification with us versus the women who had a past program experience that had not worked out and chose to let that past define them and keep them from moving forward.

So what is that distinction? What is the mindset of a woman who invested in a previous course, it didn't work out, and yet she's still moving forward, which by the way, that's like the kind of person I am. What's the mindset of that person versus the mindset of a woman who invested in a previous course, it didn't work out, and she's not moving forward? Because we're all going to have past program experiences that don't work out the way that we initially expect.

The distinction is in that mindset. It is in your ability to reframe and release past program choices and decisions so that even if they did not work out, you keep your power and you continue to trust yourself. So let's talk first about the mindset that causes negative emotions about past program choices to linger. Then I'm going to give you strategies on how to think instead so that you're freed from feeling regret or anger or shame or guilt, and you're free to move freely forward.

Because you're a person who loves personal growth. You love to learn. You love to be part of something bigger than you. You love to connect and support and coach other women. So opting out of future learning, it's not really an option, is it? 

Then I'm going to show you a very clear and specific way that every coach training or program you ever signed up for can give you value no matter what. Because if you're serious about being a high earning coach, which I believe you are, then investing in training is something you're going to be doing again and again. You want to feel emotionally free to get everything that you want out of every training that you invest in.

All right, so number one, let's clear up the mindset that causes negative emotions about past program choices to linger. So the coaching industry attracts people like you and me who love, love, love, personal growth. We love helping people. We thrive on helping people. We are lifetime learners. We're open to new things, new concepts, new strategies, and we're often highly sensitive. We're also women. That means we often are innately pleasers. We're perfectionists. Sometimes we can be a little insecure and quick to doubt that we have enough or are enough as we are.

All of that creates a perfect situation, perfect storm really, where it's easy to give up one's power to a program or to a coach. I know that's not pretty to hear, but I'm here to support you in standing in your power and not giving it away just because of investing in a program. It's like if I said to you hey, go give $10,000 to this coaching program. Oh, by the way, give them all of your power too. You would think I was crazy. You would be right.

You don't give away your power when you invest. You invest in a program, and you stay in your power. It's both and, but that means you have to own your results, and you own the actions that it takes to get those results. You own your willingness to participate fully in what you invest in. No one can take that from you or keep you from owning everything that is yours to own. That includes your voice and speaking up when needed. 

Now I realize you may be saying, “Hey, Kendall, I get that. But such and such program did not do XYZ.” I get that. I really do. I've been in plenty of programs that fell far short of delivering on their promise. It's why in my coaching business, no matter what training or course certification it is, we over deliver. The quality of my trainings is legendary. The way we care for our clients is legendary. It's why I have over two decades of the outstanding reputation that I do in the coaching industry.

We prioritize value, quality, and over delivering. That's us. But here's the thing, no matter what someone leading a coaching program does or doesn't do, no matter what a course does or doesn't include, you stay in your power. 

That's always number one because what causes feelings of blame or resentment or shame or anger isn't the program or the course, not really at the heart. Those things don't have that kind of power over you. What's causing those feelings is that somewhere along the way you gave away your power.

So what does that look like? It often looks like telling yourself a narrative where in some way you are helpless, or you had no control, or you did not have sovereignty. Now this isn't true, and it can never be true. Here's the big key to this. The course creator or trainer or coach, they are 100% responsible for delivering what they said. You are 100% responsible for your results.

But here's where it gets tricky. Their 100%, you know, according to their frame, their perspective may not match what you think their 100% is. What is 100% to them may be only 50% to you.

Where we get triggered is thinking it's 50-50 or some other division of responsibility, which triggers judging. Judging is a way we give away our power. If I think a program leader is 50% responsible, then I have to judge where and what goes into that 50%. No, they are 100% responsible for their part. I'm 100% responsible for mine.

Because that judgment otherwise is going to leave me wide open to thinking well, if they don't do their part, I'm not getting what I want, or I'm not getting what I need. In an instant, I'm now dependent on them. From there, it's a slippery slope into resentment and anger, disappointment, blame or criticism. Now I'm no longer in control of my results. 

My 100%, it's not negotiable. It's 100%. It's all mine. The experience, the results, my actions, all of it. Truthfully, while it is a responsibility and I understand that, at the same time, how freeing is that, right? I know this is a big concept, but it's what is going to help you release program PTSD more than anything else will.

So here's the big takeaway with this point. The decisions you make from being 100% responsible for your results are entirely different than the decisions you make when you think there is some split in responsibility. Yes, I know there are programs out there that literally do not deliver on what they promised. Like the deliverables just don't exist, but that does not need to take you out of your power. You have choices. You can ask for the deliverables. You can call, email, DM to ask. You can make sure you are being heard.

I want to give you an example because this is very fresh on my mind because this was a situation that I experienced just very, very recently. So here's what happened. I had invested $15,000 in a six month group coaching program. I expressed concern initially to the coach before I signed on. I was concerned if the group was going to be high enough level for me. What I mean by that is I really wanted to learn from this particular coach, but I wanted that learning to be in a coaching space with other high achievers.

The topic of her coaching centers on one that I find challenging. So I really wanted that sense of camaraderie and ideas and insights from others who maybe didn't find it quite as challenging as I do, or at least were still on that path with me. So the coach assured me the group was amazing. That was her word. That was a tip off. I should have done more investigating, but I get ahead of myself. Let me continue on here.

So she assured me, oh the group is amazing. The group was great. They're great ladies. You're going to love who's in this group. I took that at face value. So where I gave up my power was I did not ask questions like how many people are in the group. I did not ask what income level most members of the group were at. I did not ask if the others in the group had teams or were they just solo in their business. So I gave up my power by not asking those things. 

As a result, I quickly discovered once I was in there that there were only three other people in the group. So it was very small. If they'd been high achievers or far more advanced, that would have been okay, but very small. They were all solo. Everyone was way below a certain monthly amount. Very, very low by my standards. Everybody's doing their best, and I get that, but I want to be in a group of people who are seven figures and above. Each of them had a lot of emotional drama instead of being able to be high achievers.

Now it's not that high achievers don't have emotional drama. We do, plenty of it, but high achievers process their emotions in the context of moving forward. That's not what was happening in this group. It was nothing but breakdowns, but no breakthroughs. So this group was a huge non fit for me. 

I don't believe the coach leading the program intentionally lied. I think she believed the group was all the things that she said, but at $15,000, that's a very expensive non-fit. I'll be perfectly honest with you. I let it go on too long without saying anything. That's on me. That's me not being in my 100%. I'm being totally transparent here. I held back from saying anything because I didn't want to complain. I didn't want to be seen a certain way. I didn't want to seem like I was being judgy about the others in the group. 

So I made up this narrative, and that caused me to stay silent for too long. So do you see what giving up your power can look like? I did end up professionally and clearly without blame, letting the coach know this was not a fit, and I spelled out the reasons. Then I asked her if I could have a substitute, if I could substitute being in a different six month program of a different group that she has that I was seeing was vibrant and alive and hopping and full of high achievers because that was the group that would have been a better fit in the first place. Of course I did not expect to pay a dime more, and she understood that. So she said, yes, you can do that.

The point is to take 100% ownership of your experience, which can mean speaking up, but always speaking up from that place of taking ownership, not blaming or criticizing. Do I wish she had been more realistic about the group in the beginning? Yes. If I had been in her shoes, would I have said hey, Kendall, I think this group is not going to be quite what you're looking for. Yes. I wish she would have done that because she knew who I was.

Here's where the release can come in because I am still the one needing  the release. I get clear and specific about what I will do differently than next time. So I'm always looking forward, always using an experience as a learning for the future. Now experience isn't free. This one was costly, and that happens sometimes, but I'm going to use it for the future.

Now, in this case, what I learned is not to let feeling like I don't want to be something, whatever, stop me from asking more in-depth detailed questions. I'm a coach. I've made millions of dollars. I know better, and I will do it differently the next time.

All right, number two, I want to show you a very clear and specific way to think about every investment you make in yourself so that you always stay in your power, but you want to always get full value from what you purchase. You don't want to waste time on negative emotions because you want all that energy freed up to focus on learning and growing and moving forward. So there are four points here.

Number one, decide to be the best student possible. By best I don't mean in comparison to others, but to honor your standard for what it means to be your best. So for me, as an example, that means staying current with the training calls. It means asking questions every week, even when it makes me feel vulnerable. It means talking to someone on my team or my coach or my family about what I'm learning and processing or discovering. That's a really important step for me actually. It means being aware of when I start wanting to make excuses like oh, I can't do that step because whatever, and then not doing that.

Most of all, it means valuing myself at the highest level. Now this isn't easy, but it's so worth it because it builds self-trust and that self-trust is a core source of strength that gives you courage. So that's number one, decide what being the best student possible looks like for you.

Number two, put success on your calendar. What I do is I put into my daily and weekly calendar, listening to training calls, when to post a question. I schedule in doing the assignments in a course or training. If I treat those actions with disregard, then I am for sure not going to feel good about the investment, but that's on me. So by putting success in your calendar, you are bringing your 100% to the table.

Number three, give yourself permission to change your mind. I believe every course or training has a purpose for you, every single one. Sometimes that purpose is to show you what you do not want to do. On occasion, you may decide to not continue, but your decision comes from a place of having given it a hundred percent and using that experience to say, you know what? This isn't for me. That's not a waste of time or money. That's called learning and exploring. 

We coaches, we're curious. We have inquisitive minds. We love to explore. So we're going to sign up for trainings and courses, but not every course or training is a destination. Let me say that again. Not every course or training is a destination. Many are stepping stones that serve to take us further down our path. 

For example, one of our graduates in the Money Breakthrough Business Coach Certified Coach Training had already gone through a different coach certification. She actually wasn't quite finished with it when she came into certification with us. But what she was finding was that their rules and values about charging were not in alignment with her.

She was clear she wanted to make money. Their training told their students they were not allowed to charge anything until after a full year of training. Oh my gosh, we won't even talk about my thoughts and feelings about that. What matters here is she knew that that did not sit right with her. 

So when she discovered us and heard our philosophy of coaches making money early in their certification training, even before they're certified, she said I'm in. You know what happened as a result? She made multi six figures in under 18 months. Okay. So sometimes you give yourself permission to change your mind.

Number four, decide what you want from a course or a training before investing in it and write it down. It could be something very practical, like in certification, what you want is to complete certification with paying clients. So clear and so specific or what you want may be more emotionally based. Like I want to feel confident in my coaching, no matter what a client's situation is. By the way, you can have more than one outcome. Two or three outcomes is fine. I wouldn't go beyond that because they start to lose emphasis and lose priority, but write them down.

Here's the big secret to making this work for you. When you write down what you want from a course or a training right next to it, what your evidence will be. This is so powerful. So for example, getting certified is easy. You have the certificate we sent to you. For the more emotionally based results, like wanting to feel confident in your coaching, no matter what a client's situation is, the evidence can be something like you want to keep breathing. You want to keep your energy and high curiosity and asking powerful questions during the coaching session.

When you do these four simple things, there is no way that you will regret investing in a course or training because you'll always be your version of the best student. You'll have put success on your calendar. You'll have the open door to change your mind. So if something major changes for you, that's okay because you're making that decision from an empowered place, not blaming the course of the program and not blaming yourself either. Lastly, you'll know exactly what you want from every single thing you invest in. This is you staying in your power. 

Now one last piece to help you put the past to rest. It does not matter how many trainings you've invested in. It doesn't matter. Every single one of them made you smarter. They made you a more discriminating buyer. They've been part of your journey in life and in your coaching. Experience isn't free, but it doesn't mean you're not going to invest again. 

Any negative emotion you might have about them, whether it's guilt or shame, resentment, anger, disappointment, grief, whatever it is, it's not yours to keep hanging on to. Get rid of it. Let it go. It doesn't serve you. It does not put you back in your power. What matters is you show up 100% in your power. You gain everything you can from a training, and you keep moving forward. You're a coach moving forward and learning and processing along the way. This is what we coaches do. Like this is an everyday Tuesday for us, right? 

All right. I hope this episode has been helpful for you. Keep investing in yourself because you are your best investment always. I know I continue to invest in myself because it always pays off in ways I may or may not expect. 

Definitely check out Money Breakthrough Business Coach Certified Coach Training. This is the only certified coach training that fully trains and dual certifies you as both the business coach and as a life coach. With this dual certification, you become a soul driven business coach for women entrepreneurs so that you are quickly gaining the ability to make money coaching and make an impact in the exciting world of supporting women as we rise because rising we are.

Dual certification gives you that credibility, training and confidence to coach the whole woman. So you can check this out at certifiedcoach.training, and I will also link to it in the show notes. We're enrolling right now with some incredible bonuses, so definitely check those out. All right.

Remember coaching changes lives starting with yours. Thank you for listening. Thank you so much for your loyalty. I appreciate you for being on your coaching journey with me here. Be sure to screenshot this episode, share it on social and tag me at Kendall SummerHawk. I would so appreciate that. Thank you so much for that. All right, my beautiful soul. I will see you here next week with our next episode. 

If you enjoyed this podcast, make sure you follow so you never miss an episode. Also I would so love and appreciate if you would leave a five star review. Your review supports women just like you and discovering all of the juicy tips and insights I'm sharing here on how to coach women on money.

Thank you so much for tuning into this week's episode of The Money Coach School Podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, make sure you follow so you never miss an episode. Also, I would so love and appreciate if you would leave a 5-star review. Your review supports women just like you in discovering all of the juicy tips and insights I’m sharing here on how to coach women on money.

And if you want to learn how to excel at coaching women on money, definitely go to KendallSummerHawk.com and check out the wealth of money coach trainings that we have for you. Thanks so much for being part of this money coaching movement and for tuning into the show every week.