Ep #20: How To Masterfully Handle Those Tricky Money Conversations

If you have ever had that sinking feeling when you have to have a money conversation then this episode is definitely for you. Discussing money, it comes up so often in your coaching business, and, let's be honest, in your personal life as well. So often I bet you find yourself procrastinating or feeling less than in your power as to how you're going to successfully handle having that conversation.

I'm here to change that for you. I'm Kendall. Tune in this week as I'm walking you through a few of the elements of my exact process for effortlessly handling even the most emotionally charged money conversations like a boss. Because what's keeping you from expertly handling an awkward money conversation is not what you think. It's all here for you in this episode of The Money Coach School Podcast. Let's dive in.

Welcome to The Money Coach School Podcast. To really excel at coaching women, you have to be skilled, confident, and even fearless at money coaching. If you're passionate about women holding genuine money power and love supporting women entrepreneurs, then this is the show for you. Now, here's your host, money feminist Kendall SummerHawk.

Hello, beautiful coach. We're here together. I have such a great episode here for you today. We are going to be talking about the topic of mastering money conversations. Because who doesn't want to do that, right? Before we dive in though, I just want to share a little bit about behind the scenes what's going on here in my creative inner sanctum is how I like to think of it because we are working on so many exciting things for you. New trainings, a new certification that will be coming out later this spring, allowing this podcast to evolve and finding my voice in the creation of it each week.

I'm working on my own bold money goal for the year, which I decided this year to do a little differently. I'm not looking at it just for the year and not month by month. I decided to break it down into quarters and really focus one quarter at a time. That feels so relieving and so joyful. I'm really loving it. I'm also working quite mindfully, quite intentionally, on collapsing time. That phrase is used a lot in the coaching industry.

Collapsing time, very simply all it means is shortening the time it takes to cross over that bridge between where I am today and my vision for myself and my business. It's so fascinating to see how quickly exactly what I want or need can land right in my life once I'm clear. Maybe you've had that same experience. I know that's a little woo-woo, but it is so, so true.

It's equally as fascinating to catch myself when I start thinking the old way, thinking things have to take time, thinking there needs to be work. I catch that thinking, and I ask two of my favorite self-coaching questions, which are what would create a quantum leap here and what would put me right at the threshold of that result now instead of waiting weeks or months.

Those two questions have been so fun, so amazing, and so illuminating to ask because I have a big, bold money goal for my business this year. Definitely well into seven figures and doing it with new offers, new branding, a new focus that I've been easing into for the past couple of years, but I'm now jumping into with full energy and excitement. This is the energy of 2024. This is what 2024 is made for. It's made for you. It's made for me. It's made for all of us.

So it's been lots of mindset, lots of energetics, and realigning myself concept to a new level. And a lot of putting my butt in the seat at the computer creating, creating, creating, which I absolutely love. Of course, always horses. Always horses for me every day. If you know me for a minute and a half, you know I am horse crazy and have horses and spend hours with them every single day.

All right. Right now, we are literally in the middle of launching a brand new training called Mastering Money Conversations, and I'll link to where you can get information about that in the show notes. So today, let's open up in this episode and talk about money conversations.

If you've ever had that sinking feeling when you have to have a money conversation, keep listening because I have good news for you. I have great tips to share with you here today. Discussing money comes up often in your coaching business. Of course, we're being honest here, in your personal life as well.

For starters, clients want discounts. A client is late on their monthly coaching payment. You know you're overdue for raising your fee, and you're not sure how to announce that to clients. Maybe a vendor or contractor is underperforming. Maybe you want a better price on a service. Or on the personal side, your partner wants to know why you're investing again in another program, or you have to have some other type of money conversation with your spouse or partner.

Now, these are just a few of the most common reasons why you're going to find yourself discussing money. So often, I bet you find yourself procrastinating having that conversation, or you find yourself feeling less than in your power as to how to handle it with ease and thoughtful leadership. I'm here to change that for you.

So first, let's touch on a mindset element. Of course, you guys know me by now. We start always with mindset. So you have to understand that what's keeping you from expertly handling any type of money conversation is not what you think. For many coaches, they don't overthink the upcoming conversation. They over feel it.

It's like you're feeling all of your emotions, and all of the emotions you're imagining the other person is experiencing as well. So then you end up, my beautiful, empathetic soul, feeling like there's this emotional wall between you and knowing how to handle that money conversation with grace and confidence. You're not sure what to say. You're not sure what to ask for. You're not sure what to insist on. You're not sure how to hold your boundaries from a calm, centered place.

I understand my beautiful soul, I really do. You're a coach because you have insight and intuition and really great coaching skills. So why does it seem like all of those coaching skills suddenly fly out the window when there's a money conversation that you need to have?

Well, what I discovered early on in my coaching business, which I'm losing track. It was like over 22 years ago. Is that learning how to handle money conversations with grace and confidence and leadership and respect, which is such a powerful combination, is a skill. Discovering how to do this is a skill that will serve you every week for the life of your coaching business.

I know you may be asking well, that sounds great, Kendall, but how? How do I do this? So grab your journal or your notepad because I'm about to give you the how. There are five critical elements that create a sequence for you to feel confident and comfortable going into a money discussion. Leading that conversation using many of the coaching skills that you most likely already possess. Completing that conversation with you celebrating a victory both emotionally and financially.

So let's go through what each of these five critical elements are right now. Number one, regulating your emotional state. Starting any money conversation while you're feeling upset or angry or triggered in any way, this is not going to support you in creating a positive outcome for yourself. So before you pick up the phone or send that text to a client or a vendor, or before you start that conversation at the kitchen table with your partner, spend the time you need to release the initial reactive emotions.

I'm here to tell you that underneath those emotions are a truth you want to discover. Because when you do, you're going to instantly be free to think clearly and to lead the money conversation with grace and confidence. So taking a few minutes to get centered, breathing normally, and releasing any triggers about the situation is critical as your first step.

I want you to think about it this way. You're more likely to engage and lead the conversation like a coach if you're first calm and clear in your thinking, and any drama surrounding the circumstances has been released. Learning how to do this, this is a skill. So please do not expect to know how to release your own triggers without specific training and how to lead money conversations. Nobody was born just knowing this. All right.

This is such a critical first step that I created a very specific sequence, a framework if you will, that I teach inside of Mastering Money Conversation, and it works brilliantly and is something you can do in just a few minutes. What happens is that then you experience what it feels like to feel confident and free to step into that money conversation like a total boss. Okay, so that is number one.

Number two, getting clear on the outcome or the solution that is best for you. Money conversations often feel high drama. If you're trying to people please or if you're trying to spare someone else feeling upset in any way. You have to let that go.

Because, remember, you are not in control of someone else's thoughts or emotions. If you step over into someone else's experience and try and manage that for them, it creates a mess. It creates a mess for you. It creates a mess for them, and for creating a win-win result. That just really becomes not possible.

It also sets you up to make a very big mistake that I call relinquishing on the fly. What that means is agreeing to something or giving in in the moment. When you learn how to masterfully lead a money conversation, you're going to be surprised how simple it is to create a win-win outcome for everyone. But it always starts with what is best for you. What is the outcome that you most want?

For example, let's say a client is late on paying their monthly coaching fee. Really common situation. While it's easy to think that the best outcome is well, my client starts paying. Yeah, that would be great, right? But that actually doesn't spark your leadership as a coach.

So instead, maybe the best outcome for you is to have a clear, clean conversation where the client either gets back on track with their payments or stops coaching since they can't continue to receive service for something that they're not paying for. Knowing in advance what is the best outcome for you. Notice how I keep emphasizing for you. I want you to really think about yourself here.

This is going to give you a clear purpose and direction for the money conversation. Now, I'm not asking you to be unfair or greedy or grabby or anything like that. What I'm asking you to do is to be clear about what works best for you. Not being clear ahead of time about what outcome you want and where you're willing to flex, where you're not, it means that you're more likely to agree or settle for something that you're not ultimately going to be happy with.

Number three, stepping in as a leader at the start of the money conversation. How you open the conversation, it contributes 80% towards creating a successful conversation. Now the key is to lead which means that you are the one asking the questions. You're already clear on the outcome that you want, which gives you purpose and direction in the conversation. It means you're less likely to cave in to someone's excuses or to feel guilty or to get off track. Remember that the person who is asking the questions is who's leading. That's you.

Number four, stating what the options are. Yes, mastering many conversations means you're leading, but you're leading with questions which means the other person is sharing what's important to them and what they want. This is where you want to listen like a coach, meaning stay out of defensiveness or justifying or overly explaining. None of that is needed. None of it is useful. It's actually going to tank the conversation. All right?

So listening like a coach means you're giving the other person space to talk. You're listening for what they're prioritizing and valuing, which means listening between the lines. That's what I call it. So listening like a coach can give you feelings of calmness and confidence that is going to greatly contribute to you getting the outcome that you desire.

Number five, wrapping up the money conversation with clarity. If you followed each of these steps, then even a conversation that may have started out with you and the other person not at all on the same page, it can complete with each of you feeling heard and valued. Every money conversation should end with a clear what's next set of steps or actions or responsibilities.

For example in the case of a vendor or a client, that can mean going your separate ways. But you'll be doing so with respect and professionalism, not anger or money drama.

So as we wrap up here, I have one more insight to share with you. Honor yourself. Being in your power matters to you. That means proactively addressing money conversations as they come up. You are not a bad person because you have money boundaries. You are not greedy or selfish because you're not willing to be taken advantage of. You're a leader, a coach who empowers others, and that includes, guess what, empowering yourself.

Remember that money conversations are never about money. They're about self-respect, boundaries, and values. I look at leading masterful money conversations as a core skill to add to your coaching journey. After teaching thousands of coaches how to master money conversations, I can promise that following a sequence, a framework, especially learning how to release emotional heat and upset before you begin the conversation, is learning that you are going to treasure and use every week in your coaching business and in your life.

If you want major breakthroughs with money this year, one great place to start is developing the skill of mastering money conversations. Be sure to check out my resource I have on this all on mastering money conversations. I'll put the link in the show notes. Thank you so much for connecting with me here. I treasure our time together in our podcast episodes more than you know. I'm super excited for us to share space again next week in our next episode. Until then, take care in my love and brilliance to you.

Thank you so much for tuning into this week's episode of The Money Coach School Podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, make sure you follow so you never miss an episode. Also, I would so love and appreciate if you would leave a 5-star review. Your review supports women just like you in discovering all of the juicy tips and insights I’m sharing here on how to coach women on money.

And if you want to learn how to excel at coaching women on money, definitely go to KendallSummerHawk.com and check out the wealth of money coach trainings that we have for you. Thanks so much for being part of this money coaching movement and for tuning into the show every week.